My Mother is Straining My Relationship

Pressure From the Family



Issues within interpersonal relationships are inevitable, especially when blending two families through marriage. Different personalities, rifts in the past and jealousy are just a few reasons that contribute to problems among in-laws. Nevertheless, the goal in every family is harmony, and that isn’t achieved without consistent effort, forgiveness and love.

by: Jennifer J. Hays

My fiancé will soon become my husband, and although our relationship is good, there is one major issue: he hates my mother. In some ways, this is completely understandable. His experience with her is not good. Although she likes him a lot, my mother and I have a very rocky relationship, and our fights have changed his perception of her because of the way she treats me, often affecting my relationship with my him. He said once we get married, he doesn’t want her coming over if she continues to disrespect me. I need advice on how I should handle this. After all, she is my mother. I can’t tell her that she is not welcome in my home, can I?

Signed, Momadrama

You are truly in the middle of a difficult situation.  What your fiancé needs to try to understand is despite the previous issues with your mother, she is your family, and whether he likes it or not, your mom will also be his family once you two are married. Family members—especially mothers and daughters—disagree. This, however, should not stop the two parties from forgiving each other and working to reestablish a solid relationship. Until this happens, limit her visits while he is around. If you say that she really likes him, maybe you should try explaining his position to her. As your future husband, he wants to protect you from situations that cause you pain. See if you and your mother can figure out a way to better resolve issues prior to your wedding day. If you can’t, maybe seeking professional help is a better option. I think it’s commendable that he wants to protect you, but it’s not very realistic for you never to see your mom.

XOXO,

Jennifer J. Hayes

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